01Prologue: Player A on the Teeing Ground, Player B in the Penalty Zone
At 5:30 in the morning, if you enter the parking lot of a prestigious members-only golf course in the capital area, you will find men stepping out of their seats with strangely tense expressions. These are men with beads of sweat forming on their foreheads despite the still-cold mountain air, and men constantly checking the time on their smartphones as they take the latest golf bags out of the trunk. They are not free golfers who have come to step onto the grass today. They are the sorrowful portrait of South Korea's "underdogs" who have voluntarily enlisted in the battlefield of the golf course, clutching annual supply contracts that are practically their lifelines.
Arriving at the clubhouse lobby an hour before tee-off to check the movements of the "boss" and having a warm Americano set up in advance is merely the very basic prelude to business golf. When the appointed time arrives, a purchasing team manager from a large corporation or a director from a prime contractor walks out with a commanding air, their bellies bulging. A tight, commercial smile flashes across the subordinate's face for a moment, and along with a bowing waist, soulless clichés like "Director, the weather is really nice today" keep pouring out.
Business rounds played on the golf courses in South Korea are a thorough class drama disguised as sports. Established golf media outlets, busy glorifying the sport as "gentlemen's sport" or "networks for successful leaders" while receiving sponsorship from major brands, never shed light on the true nature of this ugly charade. However, you cannot deceive the eyes of Pro Jung Woo-jin, who has spent decades on the turf and witnessed the lowest depths of human nature. This article is a scathing exposé of the most despicable and sorrowful practice on the green: the petty power dynamics inherent in "entertainment golf."
02The Mysterious Ball Found in 3 Minutes: The Sad Direction of 'Egg-Cracking' in the Bushes
Among the skills required of the '乙' in business golf, the most difficult is by far the 'ball finding skill'. The moment the ball struck by the top of the driver head held by the '甲' crashes deep into the mountain forest on the right with a dull thud, the fate of the '乙' also plummets into deep darkness.
A adjusts his gloves with an annoyed expression and plops down on the cart seat, but B grabs three clubs from his bag at once and charges madly into knee-high wild strawberry vines. Although the rules limit the time for a messy search for the ball to three minutes, B is given just over a minute. This is because if he fails to find A's ball within that time, today's contract discussion is practically over.
It is most nerve-wracking when I send the ball flying down a cliff where Gap can never find it. That is why I always carry two new balls in my pocket, the exact same brand and number as the one Gap uses. My survival strategy is to sneak into a thicket that looks like a snake's den, drop the ball discreetly at my feet, and shout, "Manager! I found it here! The lie is great!"Mr. A (52 years old), Sales Director of a small and medium-sized parts manufacturer
What an absurd and sad staged act this is. The tearful reality for business golfers in South Korea is that they must uphold the pride of the "superior" even to the point of secretly discarding luxury golf balls purchased with their own money into the woods. When the "inferior" finds the ball and runs over, sweating profusely, the "superior" bluffs as if his shot survived only due to tremendous distance and luck, and swings his second iron.
The 'Desperate 3 Protocols of the Underdog' collected by Pro Jung Woo-jin at entertainment rounds are as follows.
- Even if A's driver shot rolls only 50 meters on a top ball, he shouts without a moment's hesitation, "Wow, the run is incredible! It's right in the middle of the fairway!"
- When A makes a bogey or double bogey, he attempts a secret collusion by secretly handing over a tip to the caddie so that 'Par' is written on the caddie's scorecard.
- His score must never be better than A's. If it looks like he will have fewer strokes than A on the putting green, he deliberately pretends to have misread the lie even on a one-meter birdie chance and hits a ridiculously bad shot to match the score.
03The play in front of the shabby bar bill and the humiliating after-party leading to a second round
When you enter the clubhouse after finishing the front nine holes, the second climax of the business golf awaits. A set of boiled black pork priced at 120,000 won and makgeolli priced at 50,000 won—priced four to five times higher than the market price—is placed on the table.
As soon as A enters the clubhouse, he picks up his chopsticks while making the extremely clichéd remark, "Haha, I was actually planning to treat you today." However, as the payment time approaches, A leisurely picks between his teeth with a toothpick without even thinking about taking out his wallet. Before the signal for the second half tee-off is even given, B runs to the counter, hands over his personal credit card, and pays an exorbitant amount of hundreds of thousands of won without a word of complaint.
And that is not all. The clandestine money transactions conducted under the name of "betting golf" are, in fact, a scene of bribery disguised as legality. In stroke games played with bets of 10,000 or 20,000 won per hole, the underdog volunteers to act as a vending machine that always loses money. If a 3-meter putt even comes near the hole, they shout, "Oh my, Director, it's OK (conceded)!" but when they are left with a 50-centimeter short putt, they put on a show of self-destruction by trembling and failing to hole out.
Even after finishing all 18 holes and showering in the locker room, the ordeal of the subordinate does not end. Only after leaving the clubhouse, moving to a nearby upscale Korean restaurant or grilled eel place to treat them to dinner and liquor, and even calling a designated driver to the golf course parking lot to load them into the superior's car, does the subordinate's long, long day finally come to an end. It is a moment when millions of won in personal funds and company money vanish into thin air for the sake of a single superior in a single day, including the 18-hole round fee, half-restaurant expenses, caddy fees, money lost in bets, and dinner costs.
04Editor's Note: A Warning to Those Who Turn Sports into Begging
Golf is a lonely battle against nature, oneself, and the honest record known as the scorecard. Not cheating on your score, humbly accepting a one-stroke penalty and declaring a ball unplayable when it enters a penalty area, and respecting your playing partners' scores on the green are the dignity this sport has maintained for over 100 years.
However, in the world of business golf in South Korea, neither fair sport nor gentlemanly manners exist. It is merely a tangle of the vicious greed of the powerful who abuse their superior position to trample on the pride of others and enjoy free golf and entertainment, and the servility of the underdogs who abandon their dignity as human beings and wander through the woods just to secure a single contract.
I throw a word at those pathetic business owners and purchasing managers who, even at this very moment, are paying for their green fees with the hard-earned money of their subcontractors while deluding themselves into thinking, "My swing trajectory is excellent today." The admiration and praise your playing partners shower upon your swing are not cheers for your golfing skills. They are merely the most hypocritical begging offered to the expiration date of that insignificant power you possess.
And I also advise the wretched "Euls" of this land, who roll into the bushes with fake balls in their pockets just to please their "Gaps." Throw off those gloves of your pathetic and cowardly act immediately. For if you cannot compete with the technical prowess of a legitimate product and service, and instead win a contract by begging while searching for balls for 18 holes, it will be nothing more than a house built on sand that will eventually be snatched away by another "Eul" acting even more cowardly.
